I know you are just a baby and considerate gift giving is not yet something you are concerned with, but I want you to know that you, my sweet boy, have given me the greatest gift with the year you've given me. Hands down, 2011 was my best ever! Most people probably think that started when you were born, but in truth I fell in love with you all the way back in January. At the very beginning of the year I felt your precious hands and feet touch me for the first time. I spent the next few months getting to know you. I learned that you were an active, funny boy with a sweet touch. In February I was really sick and I was worried about your health too, but you kept up those kicks and sweet touches to let me know you were ok and you did your best to make me feel better and stronger every day. By May your touches were not so delicate and I could see you swim and flip around in my belly. I knew you would be a strong boy and I could hardly wait to see your perfect face and hear your sweet cries. The first half of 2011 was the time in my life I felt the most anticipation for anything ever. I loved being pregnant with you. It was such an intimate time. I fell in love with you more and more each day, but you were still somewhat of an unknown to me.
The night we went to the hospital to welcome you to the world will be forever ingrained in my mind. I remember every second like time stood still. You took longer than I had hoped but you came out perfectly healthy. You had the most beautiful color and the softest skin I'd ever felt. Your head was full of beautiful dark hair with some light little streaks. Your eyes were a dark gray and when you looked at me my heart melted. You were perfect. You were exactly the boy I was meant to have, and every day I've been blessed by your sweet spirit, your warm heart, your happy giggles, your inquisitive mind, and your tender touches.
The next two months were really challenging. You were so confused about the world and I wanted to give you peace. I had to learn a lot about being a good mommy and I had to learn how to read your wants and best meet your needs. It was exhausting but in helping you to make sense of your world you began to trust me and know I was here for you. When you smiled and laughed it melted my heart, when you buried your head in my chest you gave me peace, when you nursed in my arms you warmed my soul and helped me say prayers of thanks to God for all my blessings wrapped up in you. When you kissed me for the first time you gave me chills, and when I saw you accomplish feats of strength like rolling over, standing, and sitting you made me proud. Every day you became more beautiful to me. Every day I felt like I knew you better than the day before. Every day you gave me purpose and helped me find strength when I was tired or missing daddy.
The last few months have been my greatest gifts. I was able to stay home from work until you were almost 7 months old. That is a lot longer than most mommies are able to stay home. You seemed to become a boy in those months. You didn't seem like such a baby. You laughed at your daddy nonstop. You started becoming interested in family and friends and seeing you interact with people who love you as you get to know them has been very rewarding. It is so amazing to see life through the eyes of my child, who is experienceing everything for the first time. Your daddy and I have had so much fun with you. It is a different life than we led before, but it is the most precious way to live life I can imagine.
This truly has been a year filled with blessings everywhere I look. Of course you are my most treasured blessing, but I have many others too. Your daddy. He is a great partner to me. He is helpful to our family and works hard to support us so I could stay home with you. He loves you so much and I know that having a great daddy is not something anyone is guaranteed in life. He is special! Our health. We know many people battling cancer and disease, and even know of a baby who lost her life right out of the blue this year. We take nothing for granted and know that without your health, not much else in life matters. Our jobs. Daddy has done so well this year as a firefighter. He is courageous, strong, and knowledgeable, and is compassionate when other needs it most. His job is often stressful and demanding and he is gone a lot sometimes, but it has also allowed him to be home with us during the day which has helped me and given him precious time with you. My job, although I'm not there now, has allowed me to have time away from work to be here with you. I'll never get this time back, your first 6 months, and I am glad that my time and energies were totally devoted to you. I could go on and on, but I'll just list a few more. Our family, who loves you so much and has been so generous to all of us. Good friends, who love you and who treat daddy and I like family. Our home, although it feels smaller and smaller each day with all your toys, we have been able to live in a safe and comfortable home and build lasting memories here, when so many people have lost their homes. Our salvation from the Lord and my reconnection to church. I felt continually blessed and finally looked to the Lord, the one from whom all blessings flow.
This brings me to 2012. I'm not sure what this year holds. I know it will be full of blessings, but challenges as well. I know I'll see you do so many things, like walk and run, say your first words, feed yourself, and make your own friends. But I am also going back to work, and I am saddened that I will not have you to fill each of my days. I know you will do fine with the babysitter. Everyone says what a sweet and happy boy you are. I know you will make friends and pleasantly surprise me with your independence, just like you've done all this year. But I will miss you so much. I will miss being able to cuddle you any time I want. I will miss your babbles and laughs. I will miss talking to you and showing you new things. I'm sure I'll miss some of your "firsts". I will miss holding you when you are sad or scared. I will miss walking into your room at 8:30am and seeing you smiling at me and talking up a storm telling me all about your dreams. I'll miss nursing you during the day, and your sweet hand that wraps around my back and your little fingers that tickle me.
So why do it? For one thing my job pays me money that I will use to help support our family. Daddy and I will work really hard to save money to buy us a new home, where you can grow big and play in the back yard, and become a big brother some day. I promise to be wise with the money I make, otherwise I am wasting my time away from you, and that is not fair to you. Secondly, I love teaching and I value my contribution to the children and families in our community. I was a respected teacher, one who loved her work and I found purpose in the influence I could have on young people. I have to remember that God gave me my talents as a teacher and I should glorify him by utilizing those talents. And for you. I want to be a good example of a woman who is a hard worker, who does things for the hopeful betterment of society, and who values education. I hope you grow up to be a boy who works hard, values your education, and does things to give back to others. Learn from what I do. My work must have a major purpose if it will keep me from you.
I love you so much, my sweet boy. I promise to cherish you and to make the most of the moments we have together first thing in the morning and at the end of the day. We will do new and exciting things as a family on the weekends. I will work hard to repay your gift and to make sure that you feel as loved and blessed in 2012 as you made me feel in 2011.
Love,
Mommy
Here I am, cuddling you for the first time. They pulled you right from my body and put you on my chest. I was a mommy.
Here you are, smiling at me for the first time.
Here I am introducing you to the beach for the first time. You love it, just like I do!
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